


Impressions of the Moon

by slytherinsiriusblack



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, mlm, slowburn, wolfstar fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 07:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16529825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinsiriusblack/pseuds/slytherinsiriusblack
Summary: Sirius always thought he was straight, he even dated Marlene McKinnon for two years. But after an incident with Remus, he's not so sure. Dealing with the stress of family and trying to figure out what to do after Hogwarts, he seriously doesn't have time to question his sexuality, yet that's exactly what this werewolf's made him do.





	1. At Home With the Potters

As the day met the night, so did two boys of two different families joined together in one household. Sirius Black was entering his seventh year at Hogwarts, and his first full year completely alone. Of course, he had James and the Potter family, but he didn’t have one entirely of his own, none that is of total blood to him. Last Christmas holiday, Walburga disowned Sirius, and the Potter’s took him in. And so there he was, in James’ bedroom on a pull out bed, the night before their first day back at hogwarts.

“You awake, mate?” James whispers through the darkness.

“Always,” Sirius croaks back.

“It’s our last year, and I’m worried about what’s going to happen after, ya know? Like will I still be with Evans, or will she want a better guy?”

“First off, Lils would never leave you unless you gave her a reason to, which you definitely haven’t. I know for a fact she wants to marry you.”

“Marry me?”

“Come on, don’t be daft, you know she loves you.” Sirius runs his fingers through his curly hair and leans onto his stomach, looking towards James’ bed.

“I know she does.” The two pause and don’t talk for a beat, letting the silence wash over them like a veil of darkness. “I think I’ll be a professor, maybe teach quidditch and flying. That’d be cool.” He says after a while.

“That’d be good for you,”

“What about you Pad’s? You got anything you’re thinking ‘bout?”

“Not sure yet,” He looks to his bedside and sees his open books of star charting and moon phases. “Maybe astronomer?”

“What’d you do with that? Be a recluse in a cabin looking up at the sky every bloody night trying to decide which planets are in retrograde?”

“Doesn’t sound too bad to me, as long as I never have to see my family again.”

“I know, you could be the ambassador of France for the ministry!”

“Prongs, just because I speak French doesn’t mean that’s all I want to do in life.”

“Well, what do you want to do?”

“I’m still figuring it out.” Sirius pulls the blanket over his bare chest and snuggles into the side of his pillow. Neither boy speaks for the rest of the night as they slide off into the sea of sleep.

\-------

The next morning, the pair grab their trunks and drag them down the stairs for breakfast before they head to the train station. James’ parents, Fleamont and Euphemia, are in the kitchen dancing around as they make breakfast over the hum of their Fleetwood Mac vinyl. Magic fills the air as the eggs on the stove are being scrambled by levitating spatula and the toast is being buttered by a hand-less knife. Light leaks through the large windows and sits upon every plant and surface in the kitchen, creating a warm glow to wake up in. The two boys drop their trunks in a heap by the counter and rush into their seats eagerly for breakfast.

“Good morning darling,” Euphemia says to James as she places a gentle kiss on his tanned forehead. “Good morning Sirius,” she says and gives him the same kiss she gave her own son.

“What’d’you boys want to drink?” Fleamont asks them.

“I’ll have a glass of milk,” James replies.

“And I’ll have my coffee,” Sirius adds and Fleamont grabs the pot of coffee to pour Sirius a cup.

“Are you sure you still want it black? Why don’t you try some of this creamer Euphemia bought at the store last week?” Fleamont suggests.

“No, I’m good just the way it is.” 

“Suit yourself,” He says as he hands Sirius the same owl mug he has every morning. After he has his first sip of coffee, Euphemia hands both of the boys plates full of eggs, toast, bacon, and beans.

“Wow mom, you really went all out for breakfast today,” James says to his mother.

“I figured you’d want something better than your usual cereal for such a special day!” Sirius slumps his shoulders and tightens his hands around his owl mug.  
After the boys finish their plates, the four pile into the family car and head to King’s Cross, where the boys will spend their last year with their best friends.


	2. The Hogwarts Express

Pushing through the barrier between platforms 9 and 10, the boys are taken aback by the large train sitting in front of them. Just seven years after the first time they saw it, they still can’t fight the nostalgic feeling as they begin to embark on their last journey to school.

“Bye guys, love you,” James says to his parents as he gives them hugs before rushing onto the train.

“Well, goodbye, thank you for everything,” Sirius says to James’ parents

“Oh come here, you!” Euphemia says as she pulls him into a hug. She kisses his mound of curls and whispers, “Be careful at school this year, and we expect to be seeing you home for holiday.” Sirius lets go of their embrace feeling warm inside, contrary to how he feels after interactions with his own mother. He pulls his trunk over to the train and drags it up the steps. Looking around inside, he searches for the compartment with his best friends. 

“Sirius!” Remus calls out to him. He looks up and smiles to his waving friend and joins him in their compartment. 

“Hi, Sirius!” Peter says to him once he’s all settled in.

“Hey Pete, how’ve you been?” Sirius says shaking the tubby boy’s excited hand.

“You would not BELIEVE the summer I’ve had!” Peter exclaims.

“What’d you do?” Remus asks him as the train pulls away from the station. Within minutes they’re enveloped in the endless greenery of the route to the Scottish Highlands.

“Well, I worked at my great grandfather Jacob’s bakery all the way in New York!”

“Woah you went all the way to America?” James says

“Yeah, it was so awesome! I got to ice little cakes and cupcakes and pastries it was so much fun! You guys would’ve loved it,” He says very excitedly.

“I’m glad you got to have that experience. Sirius, haven’t you been to New York before?” Remus asks

“Yeah for the bi-annual Black family vacations where we basically all get drunk off of expensive wine and buy random boats and the occasional entire Gucci store, what a good week,” Sirius responds dryly and turns to press his forehead against the cold window. 

“Um, anyway, Remus, what’d you do this summer?” Pete inquires.

“Not much, I focused on my art,” Remus pats his sketchpad sitting next to him. The painted pages are wrinkled, making the book three times the thickness it originally was. “Started doing a figure study, but I didn’t have anyone to photograph so it’s mainly pictures of guys from muggle magazines Lily gave me.”

“Sweet, can we see one?” James asks.

“Uh, sure,” Remus grabs his book and opens it up. “This is my favorite one.” The page is painted with the perfectly photorealistic image of a sinewy man with a thick mustache. 

“Woah, that’s super sick!” James exclaims as the other boys join in bewilderment.

“Oh, thanks. It took me a few days to finish.” Remus runs his fingers through his hair and carefully sets his sketchpad down next to him. “So, Sirius, what’ve you been up to?”

“Ya know, the usual, listening to music, playing guitar,” Pete and James randomly start screaming in laughter based on something the other had said. They’re screeching at each other and suddenly, Pete is a rat. “Wanna get out of here? Find somewhere quiet to talk?” Sirius asks Remus.

“Yeah, totally.” The two nearly escape before James turns into a full deer and impales the door with his horns. They get out of the compartment and enter an empty one right across the way.

Once they settle down in seats next to each other, Remus breaks the silence and says, “What music did you listen to this summer?”

“Just the hardest of rock, I feel totally enlightened.” Sirius brags.

“You listened to ABBA didn’t you?” Remus asks.

“Yeah, I listened to ABBA.” The two laugh until Sirius goes totally serious and looks into Remus’ eyes. “I actually listened to Zeppelin and the Pistols too, not just ABBA.”

“Well that’s good, you gotta stay grounded in reality instead of off with Fernando or Voulez-Vous.”

“Oh, I love Voulez-Vous!”

“You just like it because you understand the French part and refuse to tell any of us what it means!”

“Hey spend one summer with my family and you just might understand. However they don’t really ask ‘what do you want’, more of, ‘here’s what you’re getting and don’t complain.’” Sirius hangs his head low, his smile slowly getting replaced with a look of defeat

“I’m really sorry about how awful your family is.” He reaches up and pushes a curl out of Sirius’ face.

“It’s okay. I’ve already been disowned there’s not much more to talk about,” he says in a low raspy voice.

“Ya know, you can always send me an owl if you want to talk about it.” Remus reaches over and places his hand on Sirius’ thigh and looks longingly into his eyes. Sirius immediately jumps up in defense.

“I don’t know what you think this is? But just because I open up to you doesn’t mean I want to fuck you! God man, I’m not gay!” Sirius’s face is red in anger. He storms out of the corridor and slams the door behind him, leaving Remus broken and alone in a pile of his own confused emotions.


	3. Trace the Stars

A few weeks into school, the marauders are all huddled around the roaring fire in the Gryffindor common room. Remus has his legs pulled underneath him as he works on a new sketch while absentmindedly looking in the direction of the one and only Sirius Black, who has his limbs sprawled out over a leather couch while pouring over his astronomy homework. Both in the biggest woven sweaters they own, James sits behind Lily on the couch trying to braid her long, auburn hair, but all it proves to do is hurt her, so much so that she stands up from the floor just to beat him with a pillow then proceed to cuddle him.

Sirius and Remus turn to look at each other at the same time, and Remus is met with a face of haughtiness, so he quickly turns away and desperately tries to hide his face. Proving to be impossible, Remus untangles his legs from the couch and storms up to their dorm, slamming the door behind him.

“What’s up with him?” James spits out.

“We need to respect that he might be a little more sensitive lately,” Lily adds softly.

“Why? The full moon’s not for another two weeks.” James says.

“God! He can have other issues outside of him being a werewolf!” Lily shouts to him and the seemingly empty common room. 

“Okay, well what’s going on with him then?” Lily stays quiet and Sirius looks back down at his predictions.

“Evans?” She remains silent as Sirius scribbles his predictions down for the next day:

Tuesday:  
The ultimate death of James Potter via Lily Evans

“Sirius?” James tries again

Wednesday:  
Remus will still hate me

“Come on guys, one of you will have to tell me!”

“Fine! You want to know what happened?” Sirius storms and begins stomping around the room, “Moony came on to me okay? And I blatantly said I’m not fucking gay! Okay, that’s it! I rejected him and now he’s gone all soft!” He takes a breath as the room fills with the most uncomfortable silence any of them have felt.

“You’re being rash Sirius, I just think…” Lily adds softly

“RASH?” Sirius screams. “I am not being rash about this! I’m sorry I don’t want his dick in my mouth!”

“HE WAS JUST TRYING TO COMFORT YOU!” Lily stands out and shouts, making Sirius stop in his tracks. “Look, you opened up to him about some pretty deep stuff okay? He wanted to let you know he’s there for you. In no way was that a lust-filled sex-invitation.”

“Well, this has been, um, very, interesting? Forget I asked, I’m going to bed.” James says as he heads up the stairs to their dorm.

“Wait, what?” Sirius says to Lily after James leaves and the two take their seats back on the couch.

“You heard me, a completely harmless thing, just trying to console you.” She replies and pulls her legs into her chest.

“Well fuck. What do I do now? I’ve properly messed things up forever haven’t I?”

“Oh come on, it’s Remus we’re talking about. Buy him some chocolate at Honeydukes and write him an apology and it’ll be over in three to five business days.”

“You’re right. I need to try to repair this.” 

“Do we need to have a baking/ABBA dance party to fix this?” 

“I don’t think Björn and cookie dough can fix this, I have to do this by myself.”

“Okay, well, then I’m going to head to bed.” She kisses his forehead lightly and heads up the opposite staircase to the girl’s dorm. Sirius finally jots down his last prediction:

Sunday:  
Remus Lupin might not hate me anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( hey guys, yes, i'm aware this is BAD AF, but there are some things we need to get over, I really like it. ))


	4. Baby Steps

The next day, between Herbology and Transfiguration, Sirius stops Remus as they’re walking across the lawn.

“Remus wait up, we need to talk.” Sirius calls after him.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Remus looks back, still walking away from him. 

“Come on, please? Just hear me out!” 

He stops walking and whips himself around,“What else do you have to say? I already heard everything you had to say last night!”

“Whatever you heard I’m sure it’s out of context, please Remus,” Sirius begs and grabs his hand, but Remus rips his away.

“You said I was soft! And then you had the nerve to say that I was trying to come onto you! Look, you’re one of my best mates, I’d never do that to you.”

“No you didn’t hear the rest!”

“You can’t honestly have anything to say to make up for that! For all you know I actually am gay and you’ve just completely offended me.” Remus storms off ahead of him back towards the castle, leaving Sirius alone and confused. 

That evening, Sirius takes Lily aside after dinner and pulls her into the nearest girls bathroom. It’s completely empty considering the minute Sirius walked in, the only two girls in there, both first years, screamed and ran out of the door, hopefully not going to get a head of house. 

“What the fuck are we doing in here, Black?” Lily scoffs. “You could get in trouble for this, as a prefect it’s my duty to make sure you’re in line.”

“Bullshit, you let me get away with stuff all the time,” He looks away from her. “We need to talk though.”

“I heard what Remus had to say, what about your side?”

After Sirius explains his side, Lily says, “What are you going to do about it?”

“This was my plan, come see Lils and see what she has to say.”

“Well I think you need to figure out what to do by myself, I’m sick of being in the middle of you two. Get your feelings in check and do something about it.” She takes a deep breath and struts out of the bathroom, her shoes clicking against the tile floor, echoing in Sirius’s chest. He splashes some water on his face and meanders out of the girls bathroom and back to his dorm. 

“Did you do the charms homework?” James nags once Sirius flops on his bed. 

“Nah, you?”

“No, but it’s two feet due tomorrow, you better get started. I’m going to go see if I can copy from Lily.” James exits their dorm, leaving Sirius alone once again. Staring across the room into Remus’ empty four poster, he thinks of possible ways to resolve the conflict; talking to him certainly didn’t help, and it’s not like Lily will do it for him. How did he feel anyway? Knowing Remus might actually be gay throws a wrench in Sirius’s gut. The usual pit in his stomach has been completely torn open and exposed to the elements. He comes to the conclusion there’s only one solution to this, tell the truth. 

Dear Remus,  
I’m sorry about what you overheard the other night in the common room. The truth is I was scared, and I know it’s such a bullshit excuse but it true. I was scared about what I would do if you actually did come onto me. Would I want you to? Would I even be interested? I was scared I would like it. The truth is, I think I would. What’s even scarier is writing you this letter and you actually reading it with your eyes and understanding it with your brilliant brain. I think I like you and it terrifies me. Now not only am I the family disappointment but now I’m gay too? My mother would rip my arms off if she found out. I’m sorry for burdening you with all of this but I think you have the right to know after what I put you through these last few days.  
Everything is extremely confusing right now and I’m sorry it’s lead me to be acting like this. I’m sorry I’ve hurt and offended you. I completely understand if you want to never talk to me again, I certainly wouldn’t if the same thing happened to me. But if i haven’t scared you away, meet me in the room of requirements tonight after dinner and we can talk.  
-Sirius Black

The following morning, Sirius stumbles into the great hall for breakfast with sleep deprived eyes and shaking hands holding the letter. He sits down next to James and across from Remus. He hands him the letter and immediately turns away. 

Remus begins to open it, but Sirius yells, “No! Not here, not around… people.”

“Okay.. I read it later then,” he replies coldly.

For the rest of dinner and the remainder of the day, Sirius can’t stop shaking thinking about what Remus is going to say. He spends most of the afternoon and even skips dinner to stay in the library pining over various books he could care less about. After dinner lets out, Sirius figures he might as well head up to the room of requirements for the off chance Remus decided to join him. 

When he gets up there, the door materialized and the room is filled with warm candles, blankets, and couches. Looking across the room he sees him leaning against the back window, grasping the letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all, sorry for not updating in forever, things have been crazy with college stuff. anyway i hope you enjoy this chapter, there's only one left! thank you call for sticking with me, see you in the last chapter...  
> -abb


End file.
